I reflect with amazement what I have been through since diagnosis 12/30/10, as life can almost seem somewhat, a wee bit, "normal" now.
I do often, very often, think how different my outcome COULD HAVE BEEN, and therefore how very different what I would be writing here today, would be...
I do reflect and take pause when others seem so affected by my diagnosis, treatments, hospitalization, recovery process and current appearance, and I wonder why I don't feel quite as stunned and shocked?
Perhaps it all hasn't REALLY fully sunk in yet?
Perhaps I just jumped aboard the Cancer Cruise and just did what I had to do... and presumptuously EXPECTED a good outcome??
Perhaps I haven't fully digested all this yet?
Perhaps it REALLY hasn't hit me yet???
Perhaps because I don't feel too horrible all the time and I hear far worse diagnosis and treatment stories... I don't really feel "cancerous"?
Perhaps... my bad memories are fading already?
Maybe if I had a disfiguring cancer or a more visible cancer
Maybe if I had an organ or body part removed
Maybe if I had to suffer even more than I did
Maybe then, I would REALLY feel like I HAVE cancer?
When meeting people I tell my story matter of factly
When thinking about having cancer I don't think I actually connect with it yet
When hearing people's reactions and responses, I then think, wow, I guess I really have been thru a lot!
Honestly, I feel so very, very lucky-
That I didn't have to endure cycles and cycles of hard core IV chemo
That I didn't have to endure Radiation at all
That I didn't have to endure a Tandem (2nd) stem cell transplant
That I didn't Puke my guts out for days and weeks
That I didn't get those awful chemo mouth Sores
That I didn't gain or loose extreme amounts of Weight
That I only had to be Hospitalized once, and for only a Month
That my Myeloma wasn't Multiple bone lesions Myeloma
That my Neuropathy has stabilized a bit... or have I just learned to live with it
Yes, although I do have an incurable cancer, I feel pretty good most of the time :)
I feel so blessed to have the fantastic medical support system I do
I feel so blessed researchers discovered chemos Revlimid, Cytoxan and Melphan KILLS Myeloma
I feel so blessed to have the amazing human support system I do
I feel so blessed to have been Diagnosed, Treated and determined to be in Remission in just 8 months!
And, strange... I never went thru the true cancer-bald stage, but just a boy-buzz that grew into a ton of wavy new hair, that actually grew so much, so fast, that I now get to trim it and experiment with trendy and goofy styles...
PS- for those with Myeloma reading this... Revlimid chemo seems to enhance my hair... Cytoxan and Melphalan chemos thinned my original hair slowly, before it was replaced by my new hair