Surprise! Did you see I posted a few days ago?
Be sure to scroll down to my other posts, as I reflected on my 7 year Stem Cell Transplant anniversary, on 2 very symbolic days for me:
July 2, I was admitted to City of Hope to begin my first (and only) Stem Cell Transplant
July 5, the day my own stemmies were infused back to me, restarting and regenerating my chemo and myeloma ravaged body.
Yes, 7 years of myeloma invasion this 2017. Happy 7 year SCT anniversary-birthday to me. On one hand I marvel I am still here. On the other, "of course I am", I whisper to myself. I must be. I have to be.
Moving forward, I had my 14th Darzalex infusion this past Monday, and I'm doing ok. I tend to "crash" on day 3, 4, 5, 6. Combo crash from Dex steroids and Darza, while the Pomalyst side effects carry on for the entire month lol. It starts with extreme fatigue, feeling bloated from Dex (I think), then light headaches, dizziness and achy skin. I stay close to home on these days, as I never know what my GI side effects might be, but fortunately, nothing like the extreme surprise volcanic reactions I had from Revlimid, and infrequently, Kyprolis. It's interesting the "bargaining" we do regarding side effects. There are days I wish I could "go", then other days, wishing I would stop "going". Days where I am so achy, I don't know if it's side effects, or I'm getting a bug. Not sure which is worse. Then the numbness and tingling from the Neuropathy. And the fatigue, the absolute lack of "helium", is just so debilitating.
I'll take my myeloma marker labs next week, and know my status on Tues July 18, which is also my 15th Darza infusion. Will be interesting to see my numbers, as my infusion schedule is off several days, due to all my retirement events end of June. I do worry with the every other week Darza protocol, as I am skeptical about the monthly protocol coming my way in the future. But the years of research trials and studies determined the infusion schedule, so we'll see how it affects me personally. I just wish for treatment consistency... but that's not myeloma's reality. Myeloma's reality is continual treatments, successes, refractory, new treatments, refractory, repeat, repeat, repeat...
And so... I've been "retired" for a week now... certainly not the "retirement" I thought my retirement would be. I've let go of a lot of plans and dreams... I accept. It is what it is. Always reminding myself: "you can't control the things you can't control Julie"... I remain so grateful for all the good things in my life, past and present, and for this 7 year anniversary that almost wasn't...
Julie!
ReplyDeleteHappy 7th Anniversary!
As I always mention, I read your blog all the time! (I have it saved in my favorites at work =) sshh! )
I love to see your updates and truly wish you the best!
I trust that you will come to enjoy your retirement and not look at it as being so forced. These are conversations I have with my mom all the time, she is currently back to work but is planning on retiring in a year or so.. she said as soon as we give her grandkids she will retire!
I really like that quote you have "We are not given a good or bad life, we are given a life". How fitting!.... When my mom would have bad days and when she was feeling low... she would often say why me?.. but then its like why not me? why anyone? Why should anyone have to go through this.. but then there are really good days.. and you appreciate and enjoy them more than you probably would have.. if things were "normal".
In some ways Myeloma has really taught our family to be more appreciative of our time we spend together.
Sorry this post is all over the place!
I find your posts always so relateable and therefore I feel as if I am talking to a friend when I write!
Hope you had a great July 4th Celebration with your family!
Una
Hi Una! I love your comments! Thank you so much for caring as you do, and appreciating my posts :)) Sounds like mom and I are in similar places with our lives, as I had always told my kids I would retire and become their "GrandNanny". Well, not yet either, and stupid myeloma had other plans for me. How's mom's treatment going? Tell her hello for me, and wish her my best. I'm glad you feel like we are friends from my blog! I do too :)) You can also email me at missy.myeloma9@gmail.com . Thanks for commenting and caring as you do Una! xoxo
Delete